i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
