Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize