Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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