Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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