Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize