where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
