I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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