worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
