WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize