I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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