so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
