well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
