I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
