bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize