Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
