Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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