I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
