getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
