She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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