i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is wine microwaveable?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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