FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
