and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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