before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
