I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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