no, he came in my armpit
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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