i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
