There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
