He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
