Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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