I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
