I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
