Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
