I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
These tits shall not be calmed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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