you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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