I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
