I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
