I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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