Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
