no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
