dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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