just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
