come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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