He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
