I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
