the condom got lost in my hair
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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