are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
