Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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