Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize