I think im going to throw up on grandma
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
