shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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