My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
