Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
