what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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