Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
