his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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