Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
