Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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