Please, let me fuck your mom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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