So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
