tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
