I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
