The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
