I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
