you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
