she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
