they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
