Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
