I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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