Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
