so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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