Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
