RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
