i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
