mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
