The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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