oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A+ Viking dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
