she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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