Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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