They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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