so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize