so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
