Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
