Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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