He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
