her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize