Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
