He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
