you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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