is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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