She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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