do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
