Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
