I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
