I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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