i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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