the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a hot homeless man
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
