I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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