It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
