Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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